Tuesday, February 12, 2008

High school Students and Community Service Hours-Final Draft Revised #2

Sheri Munson-Castro
Writing 101-Winter 2008
Craig Mckenny-Instructor
February 12, 2008

Revised Final Essay #2




High School Students and Community Service Hours-Essay #2 /Final Draft
Sheri Munson-Castro
Writ 101-Winter 2008Essay #2
Craig McKenney-Instructor
February 5th, 2008
“High School Students and Community Service Hours”




While the experts tells us all about the statistic in regards to this very fact you are not fully aware of the true meaning of it until you have lived it. I personally have, with my oldest daughter who had such a low esteem of herself and no real confidence that she got into the wrong crowd. She ended up making some really big mistakes that have ended up almost costing her life. And it has cost her five years of her life due those mistakes she made.By not really feeling like she had a place in the community she started hanging around with some kids who in way was like her. Who felt that they had to act bigger and tougher then the rest of the kid’s. So they acted rough and went after people not so tuff. Which Of which when she lost her anger and knock a lady down, the person with her took advantage of the moment and ripped off the lady’s purse. Well, since my daughter was what they called the aggressor “The Principal One”. She got hit with a larger sentence from it. She was given a five year sentence. Of which she will be doing one to two years in an adult prison, and she has just turn seventeen.
I agree that with all that I have been hearing discussed about high school students having to complete community service hours in order to graduate from school. Because in my own personal experience I have seen what can happen to the children who are with out any connection to or feelings about the community that they live in.
All that I have seen and heard in the debates over this particular subject made me want to know more on it. Especially since we discovered it was implemented into this year’s school academic plan for high school students. I feel that it’s very true that many students feel somewhat empty like there is a void they can’t fill. There have been for many years so many drop- outs from high school per year. Because out of the ones who do make it through high school there is still many of them who don’t continue any additional education. Or barely survive in the adult world. By not really feeling like she had a place in the community she started hanging around with some kids who in way was like her. Who felt that they had to be big and bad. So they acted rough and went after people not so tuff. Which Of which when she lost her anger and knock a lady down, the person with her took advantage of the moment and ripped off the lady’s purse. Well, since my daughter was what they called the aggressor “The Principal One”. She got hit with a larger sentence from it. She was given a five year sentence. Of which she will be doing one to two years in an adult prison, and she has just turn seventeen. Something I have learned from this. Is that even the most involved with your kid type of parent can not always see what’s in front of you until it sometimes it’s too late.
Thus I feel that it’s a helping tool that fills in that void and emptiness some kids feel and it will help them to take the right path as they enter adult hood. After all of this I went and had a long talk with my older daughter and asked her about all of this that I had learned. She let me know that it was so true in her case, She had felt like something was missing and had not known how to let anyone know and this is where the wrong road was taken. She had to make those mistakes and after hitting the bottom, has since learned from all and building her way back up. She has even started working towards her GED. Also, has earned what is called Honor Level at the place she is at. This is a very important step on the road back. It shows that she is trying to change and become a part of the community she lives in. I feel strongly that if community service hours were in play back then she may not have taken this road in life. Or at least we may have caught it before we got to where we are. Thus this has come to make me aware of this and really opened my eyes.

Because when I first had found out this year that the Seattle School District had implemented this into the school academic plan I to was not thrill with the fact of it. And thought what is going on, and if they wanted to add it as maybe an extra credit class or such then they could do that. Allowing the kids to decide if want to do it. But then I started to really take at look at what was required and went out and researched it out. I discovered that even though our high school students in Seattle have to complete sixty hours of community service in order to graduate and get their diploma. There are other states that require even more hours. Also, they have from beginning of the 9th grade until end of the 12th grade to complete the hours. And all depending on the child will determine the amount of time to complete it. My son and youngest daughter have each completed twenty hours each and have just entered high school this September. While I was researching this subject I started to really open my eyes and take a look around me. I had not noticed before that there so many students who just hung around and really looked lost. I then started to ask some students about their thoughts on this. My other daughter and son also let me know that they do agree that this is a great thing to implement into the school plan. That it made them feel like they part of something important and gave them pride in that fact that they were helping other people. I totally agreed with them and the people that have been talking about this on all the debates and have the same opinion that its helps you to build character and bring up you self esteem and self confidence in yourself.
I notice that those I knew were involved in doing community hours seem to be less self center and giving to the community. They were connecting with it and coming together as one. Because by being more involved with the people around them and learning how to be a team player. And I once read somewhere by Alex Haley I believe, where he stated, “A Community is built up by the people in it.” And that is as true because as you connect with it, you are building it and yourself up. And doing so are planting roots to the community and will have a sense of belonging. . So, I truly agree in this matter of high school students doing community service hours and becoming involved in their community. That it does help those who are feeling lost or maybe need something to connect to. It allows them to know that there are places that they can turn to in a time of need. As it has been said before “We the people” well we the people include everyone as part of the community and are there for each other. Which means young as well as old. So I feel that we need to be there for our children. As many people have said and I believe this to be true: “They are the Future”. I feel that this is a great tool that has been implemented and fully support it.

1 comment:

Craig McKenney said...

I'm confused by the intro...what statistic? I feel like, as a reader, I'm walking into the middle of a conversation. The intro should simply show a story. Don't just flatly tell it...show it so that we can "see" it in our minds. Right now, it isn't really a true story.

Watch the sentence fragments. Make sure to read aloud, and stop at your punctuation marks to see if it makes sense to pause where you're placing them.

Again, you need to make sure that you are using proper spelling, ie "tough" instead of "tuff."

There is some repetition of ideas here...not sure why?

Very clear sense of the "I" here...good! You manage to keep it on your views, but extending the narrative of your daughter outside of the intro tends to pull away from your ideas and stays more about her. Remember, the "I" that is you needs to be predominant here.

NO "WE," "OUR," "YOUR" etc.

Overall: LP
It doesn't feel finished enough...too many proofing errors.